I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
