so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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