i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
