I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
