I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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