you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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