I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
