How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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