All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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