Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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