so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Randomize
