He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize