Betty ford says i'm here all night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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