Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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