eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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