help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
