When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
