I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize