On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
