Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
