are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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