please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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