pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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