What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
