I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
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Last time i carry you out of a forest
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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