He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
