Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
