i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So squirting runs in the family.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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