Already got asked if we're dating
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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