i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
worst night to have a conscience
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
