I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
