so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
