she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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