***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
