Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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