Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
