that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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