Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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