Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
