Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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