sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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