found the other keg... it's in the tree
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
