He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
