They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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