But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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