i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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