I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
