im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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