We got so high we made milksteak
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
