She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
