Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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