My brain says no but my pants say off.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
