I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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