Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
