i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
