I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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