I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
