spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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