defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
