thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
