I hate your face
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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