well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
