she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
