I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
