my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
